Sorry Blanca

I have had an on-going crush on someone for some time, I have kept it from Blanca and I can no longer live with myself. I have to tell the world. I think about her day and night. She shows up in my dreams, I see her face in the clouds, I see her half-laugh, half-smile on the backs of my eyelids.

I love you Snorg T-shirt girl, and you don't even know I exist.











Yes, Yes you are Snorg T-shirt girl.

Hang the meter maid

For those of you who are unaware I own a business downtown with my pal Max, we chose downtown because we were both very excited about the present growth of Jax's core. We are both beginning to regret that decision based on one fact... downtown has a PARKING problem. According to an article I uncovered in the Daily record, Suzanne Jenkins feels there is a problem as well. The problem isn't that there's not enough parking, the problem is that the parking system is not designed for downtown business owners and their patrons. For example, the parking right outside of the store at 114 East Adams St. is for one hour only. There have been a few instances where parkers have gotten tickets before their metered hour is up because the meter attendant assumed they would be there for longer than an hour. The same attendant told us that we are not only not allowed to park in the same spot for over an hour, or even on the same street , but also that once our metered time is up that we cannot park in downtown at all. That is just friggin' bonkers. The city of Jax wants businesses to come downtown and people to come to those businesses, but give them anti-incentive with this parking issue. Why would a patron come back downtown to buy things if they get a parking "tax" almost every time they come down here.

The city seems to be pushing people to parking in garages. Why? I guess I would think this is a fair deal except for the fact that Max had his car broken into while parked away from the store. For businesses open late, parking garages pose the problem of letting your car be a prime target for theives. I always feel safer when I can see the vehicle and keep tabs on it for myself. You could argue that we should park in a garage and then move our cars to the front of the store after six. This poses the problem of having to close down shop for 10-15 minutes while we move, and we could be missing potential sales during that time. The bigger problem, of course, is parking tickets and the nuisance of the parking meter assholes/attendants for our customers.

Downtown Jacksonville has endless potential, and developers are coming at it in traditional ways. I see new buildings being pooped out everyday downtown, so why can't we think more progressively? Look at Dubai... now, I'm not proposing that we could do what Dubai has done, that's outrageous, but they are definitely taking a different approach to the long-established-city-building-formula and finding new and revolutionary ways of incorporating modernistic beauty and functionality. I see no reason why developers in Jax can't think this way... PLEASE take some cues from our friends in the United Arab Emerates!

Shit man, I just wanna run my business and not worry about my customers being harrassed for parking downtown.

Horse-Lover Fat

Okay, I am a huge Philip K. Dick fan. I heard that A Scanner Darkly was going to be made into a movie and my first reaction was oh fuck, hollywood is going to completely rape another one of K. Dick's books (Paycheck, Minority report.) I was directed to a few interviews and trailers and stuff by Phillip Ramsey. I will let you decide. I am still kinda if-y.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Heres to re-living your childhood.

check it

"every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth."

I was talking to my friend Scott, whom I have known since the sixth grade, and he told me about something pretty sweet that he saw on slate. This Jewish guy is Blogging the Bible. He is re-reading the good book and spitting back out his thoughts on it chapter by chapter, book by book. I have read the bible before, its pretty difficult to retain (Sheeba begat Sharden and Sharden begat Romanos and Romanos begat Linklatter and Linklatter begat Black, blah blah blah.) This is a great way to brush up on the general idea of stories and their morals without having to slave (get it?) over the whole thing.

I didn't remember how much sex and debauchery is in the bible, whoa-ho. Maybe I was too young the first time I read it to really pick up on how much G-d (you can't spell out or write the Lords name according to jewish law) sounded like a whiney tyrant. Sorry mom, but HE DOES. Its no wonder christian leaders are so war hungry, when G-d gets pissed there is no slaking his hunger til all the first born children of christian enemies are dead, literally. I would go further, but you'll just have to read for yourself

David Plotz, a not so orthodox jew, plows through the Torah (Bible if you prefer) and picks up on the awesome things about the greatest story ever told AND the inconsistencies, mostly the inconsistencies. So far he has made it to leviticus, the law book of the bible. I am hoping that he will continue on all the way through. Its pretty insightful.

I consider myself agnostic, I have no clue what might be out there or if there even is some grande being. I hope that there is something, but it doesn't make much sense to me. The reason I post this link is because I hear alot of people dissing organized religion, me included. I don't know, I guess I just don't think you should dislike something as much as some people I know do without having some small grasp on it.

Cash Carter

word

Kancho kudasai

My pal Gavin (I hope I spelled that right) was just in the store and filled me in about Kancho. Seemed interesting. So I did what I always do, I looked it up on the almighty Wikipedia. Here is what Wiki had to say:


Kancho (カンチョー, kanchō?) is a prank often played in Japan by young school-aged children; it is performed by clasping the hands together so the index fingers are pointing out and attempting to insert them into someone's anal region when the victim is not looking. It is similar in spirit to the wedgie or a goosing in North America.



It has been popular in Japan and other Asian countries for years but has recently become re-popularised by the anime Naruto, where it has been called the Thousand Years of Pain/Death technique. In Japan, there is a gameshow where a celebrity routinely kanchōs random people. It is also known in South Korea as "ttong chim", "ddong chim" or "dong chim" (똥침 in Hangul) and in the Philippines as "bembong" or "pidyok", from the Filipino word "tumbong" for coccyx.

In certain countries, the act of kancho may be illegal and considered sexual harassment, or even sexual assault, although children are given more leniency. While the practice is known in South Korea, there have been cases where adults performing it have been arrested. However, in Japan it is considered a childish prank rather than a criminal act.

The word is sometimes mistakenly used by foreigners in Japan who have limited knowledge of Japanese. When asking for the bill at a restaurant in Japan (one way would be "Kanjo kudasai" or "Please give me the bill"), however, a common mistake is to say, "Kancho kudasai" or "Please give me a kancho" which usually results in hysterical laughter by the waiter.

Kancho (칸쵸, kanchyo) is also the name of a brand of chocolate-filled biscuits produced by Lotte Confectionaries in South Korea. The same product is sold as Pakkuncho (パックンチョ) in Japan.
[edit]

Etymology

The word is a slang adoption of the Japanese word for an enema (浣腸, kanchō?). In accordance with widespread practice, the word is generally written in katakana when used in its slang sense, and in kanji when used of enemas in the medical sense.
[edit]

See also

* Boong-Ga Boong-Ga, a video game for the Korean and Japanese market that allows the player to engage in simulated anal probing

Nick Hyde

Not much going on here on a Thursday afternoon. I have a few things coming up that I am working on. My pal Parag is going to guest-blog (what a silly term) about why capitalism is good. I am wanting to put together a "my friends look like ________" series.
Example:


Nick "Longlunch" Strate



Danny "Hyde" Masterson




And here is a song in honor of one of my longest standing pals, Nick Strate (I bought my fist tape from him on our bus in 6th grade, it was Vanilla Ice.) Nick is in spain for a wedding and hopefully he is going to the little spanish town of Andalucia. (Crooked Fingers)

I am also working on something about the downtown parking problem. It doesn't seem to be getting any better.

Until then my friends (and people who were once my friends, but probably now hate me ... Gwynn), I leave you with a few songs that I am hugely diggin' on right now.

This is a song that was on an album that Grandaddy sent to V2 when the got signed, they said this was their real album, it was a joke. They did release this later as a side project called "arm of roger" here it is (I will leave the song title as a surprise)

Polvo, what can you really say about Polvo? I know if there were no Polvo then my band the Cadets would have never come into existence. This song is off "Exploded Drawing" and its called "in this life"


Speaking of the Cadets, we recorded a few weeks ago and these songs are some of the fruits.

Cowford-Promised Prince

Ides Of April

The Man InThe Mirrors

I have recently become privy to a music blog, and its actually a really, really good one. Its curated by two pals O' mine, Richard Dudley and Zack (I have no Idea what your last name is Zack). I have always said that the best tracks on cd's are usually #3 and #7, finally someone at least partially agrees with me. GO GET YOU SOME ... THE TWO MIRRORS.

in honor of The Mirrors boys here is a gem I know that both of them and few others out there might like. the Decemberists covering Joanna Newsom live: Bridges and Balloons (Joanna Newsom)



and if everyone is nice I might post "the Tain" in separate tracks

UNDERDOGS UNITE (the U.D. series #1)

This is the kickoff of a series I am going to do about the people out there that should have been on top, but were beaten down and ended up face down in the shit. THE UNDERDOG.

My favorite shit-eating victim by far is Nikola Tesla… not to be confused with the band Tesla. I am talking about one of the most underrated and brilliant inventors in history. He was not only ahead of his time, but possibly even ours. Some of his inventions still baffle some of the most respected modern scientists.

Nikola was born at the stroke of midnight on July 10th 1856 in what is now Croatia. When the curlies came in he left Croatia to attend Austrian Polytechnic in Graz, Austria. After completing degrees in Physics, Mathematics, Mechanical Engineering, Electrical Engineering, and receiving his graduate degree in Physics at Charles University in Prague, he worked around Europe as chief-electrical-guru at every important electric company. During this time he invented the first loud speaker and became known for memorizing complete books.

He finally made his way to America in 1884 to begin work with his soon to be adversary Thomas Edison. After arriving in America and basically cleaning house at Edison Machine Works, Edison realized Tesla’s potential and put him to work correcting Edison’s direct currant generators (DC). Edison promised $50,000 dollars (over $1,000,000 today) upon completion. Surprised by the quickness with which Tesla delivered, Edison reportedly laughed when our boy Nikola inquired about the monies owed to him. Surely Tesla knew that Edison was "joking" when he offered him the 50 grand! WTF! Tesla quickly resigned leaving behind patents that that made Edison’s company millions.

After leaving Edi-sin in 1886, Tesla hit the ground running starting his own company Tesla Electric Light & Manufacturing. During the beginnings of his company he worked as a day laborer to fund his most well known achievement, the alternating current induction motor (AC). This would later be the fuel for the “war of the currents” (AC/DC) with Edison in which Tesla is named the victor. Later in 1886 Tesla invented the Tesla coil... an idea that lead him to inventing the radio. NIKOLA TESLA entered the first patent for the radio in 1896. A short year later he demonstrated radio control technology by controlling a boat from a distance at Madison Square Gardens. He went on to invent the spark plug, wireless telegraphy (precursor to T.V.), RADAR, the X-ray, and vertical take off and landing aircrafts. In 1899 he wirelessly transmitted electric signals from Pikes Peak to Paris. Around this time, he proved in his diary that the earth was a massive conductor after his experiments with the ionosphere and the grounds telluric currents via transverse waves and longitudinal waves. Through this dicovery Tesla claimed to have the ability to “split Earth like an apple” by resonating it to a certain frequency.

While experimenting with stationary waves in 1902, Tesla killed his reputation by claiming to have recorded extraterrestrial radio signals (a repeating pattern of one then two then three then four clicks.) During this time, Tesla began construction on the Wardenclyffe Tower, which was the realization of what would have been wireless power transmission. Had this tower been completed the world as we know it may have been completely different... imagine free flowing energy, ergo no electric bills (if I understand wireless power transmission correctly.) In 1904 for some unknown reason the patent office reversed Tesla’s patent, giving it to Marconi, DAMN! The Nobel Prize for physics was also awarded to Marconi in 1909, DOUBLE DAMN!! In 1915 Tesla and Edison were mentioned as possibilities for sharing the Nobel, but because neither would agree to sharing it, neither were awarded it. During WW1 Wardenclyffe was dismantled for scrap. After the war Nikola built Telefunkin wireless station in Sayville, Long Island. The government seized Telefunkin and deemed all of its contents top secret.

Toward the end of Tesla’s life he was working on a weapon. He called it teleforce, others called it the "death ray." Tesla claimed it had the potential to end all wars by having the ability to destroy up to 10,000 planes in the air before they even reached the target country’s borders. He was also working on a unified field theory that he called the “dynamic theory of gravity.” It was a middle finger to Einstein that he claims would have unified gravity and electromagnetism. Actually, Tesla had fairly strong feelings toward Einstein’s theory of relativity stating it was “like a beggar clothed in purple whom ignorant people take for a king.” Tesla died before unveiling this theory to the public. He was found dead alone on January 8th 1943 forgotten and living in poverty.

Like I said, underdog in the truest sense of the word.

My pal David Henderson wrote a song about it... "The Wizard of Menlow Park"

I would link you to David, but I have no idea where he is, what he is doing, or if he even has linkage.

Oh Come Guy, In A Fixed Gear Style

I have been seeing these "dudes" everywhere that look like bike messengers, but are indeed not. Bandanna neck-wear, rolled up shorts, hats with the bill popped up or crooked, hip man-purses. You know what I am talking about, they dress that way even when they aren't on bikes. I would like someone to explain this ridiculous trend immediately.

Dubya Dubya Eye Eye Eye

Most everything Important I know I learned from Max Wood. He showed me a pretty awesomely awesome summation of the history of war in the middle east by a clever post-er on hipinion.com. His humorously wise words (all typos are his) were as follows:




"Alright, so:

-The middle east was pretty heavily colonialized up to the end of ww2. The allies had to secure the help of locals to fight ze germans mostly by guaranteeing self-determination and helping out nationalist movements.

-After ww2 the british pretty randomly carved up hunks of land and give them to the folks who supported them in ww2, but didn't give a shit about tribal/local politacal/religious lines.

-Britain(and the rest of the allies), because they were total cunts throughout most of history to the jews and the jews just got fucked with REAL BAD, also "gave" Jarusalem and the surrounding biblical holy land to a group of international jewish zionists (means they believe in recreating a jewish homeland, actually sort-of fobbiden in the Torah. it's complicated)

-This land they called Isreal, where the diaspora (the tribes of jews spread around the world) would come to recreate the jewish state. Sounds pretty keen right? except that:

-This area they decided to rename Isreal was ALREADY FULL OF PEOPLE. Thia area was called, by the British prior to the creation of isreal, Palistine. And they were mostly muslim, and the Allies/new isrealis kicked them the fuck out. Which got peeps ragin.

-This is still like 1947 here btw so the hatin' has been spit around for a long while. So anyway people decide it would be a good idea to seperate Palistinians from the Isrealis but the Isrealis won't allow any of the Palistinians the kicked out to return to their homes, which has dudes pissed.

-The whole time this is happening all the nations newly created by the brits are formign their own governments and becoming nations, which is rad. Except that:

-These new nations are real pissed on behalf of their Arab bros being shit on and Egypt, Syria, Iraq, Lebanon, Jordan, and Saudi Arabia declare war on Israel. Holy shit, Isreal has no friends and is pretty fucked tou say?

-Well, the only countries that actually invade are Egypt, Syria and Jordan. And they get their asses handed to them so hard Isreal grows 50% bigger then before the peace treaty was signed.

-Meanwhile, the governments these new nations are forming tend to be nationalistic and/or communist and the U.S., who wants unlimited access to the regions oil, keeps assasinating their leaders and installing dictators friendly with uncle sam. Which has more people pissed. This is the start of Islamic fundamentalism as governemnt BTW, as the democratically elected president of Iran was overthrown and replaced by the Shah Mohammed Reza Pahlevi who was a repressive wingnut.

-O.k. so now(1956) this charismatic Egyptian leader named Nasser (supplied by, naturally, the USSR) decides he is fed up with being the west's bitch and to teach them a lesson decides to close the Suez canal. Dude had balls. Turns out that was a pretty bad move though, because Egypt is then invaded by Isreal, France, and Britain, who occupy the canal for a while.

-1964 the Palistinian Liberation Organization (PLO) forms to Get Isreal The Fuck Out by doign stupid things like suiciding themselves for virgins and shit.

-A couple years later ('67) Egypt closes part of the canal again and triggers the "6-day war" where Israel destroys the Egyptian air force on the ground, pwns and occupies the Sinai pininsula and Gaza (it's still occupied) from Egypt, then conquers the West Bank (also still occupied) from Jordan, and the Golan Heights from Syria. These are all places where apparently attacks were springing from. They occupy these territories for a while.

-Jews all over high five each other for being awsome at war.

-Not being satisfied to eat shit twice already, in 1973 Egypt launches a suprise attack during the jewish day of attonement, starting the Yom Kippur War. They retake the Suez, and Syria take back the Golan Heights(which sounds a little like an arab themed condo tower hey?). Anywho because that whole BOO COMMIES cold war shit is going on the respective sides are being armed to the teeth by the U.S. and the USSR. Isreal again shit kicks them both.


After that a whole bunch of suicide bombing happens and some more presidents are assasinated (one jewish dude by an even more hardcore kill-the-rag-heads jew) and Isreal now raids the swurrounding countries with its massively superior armed forces whenever it gets suicide bombed or a kid throws a rock at a tank or whatever.


Yeah. In a nutshel, that's war in the middle east."

I think we might need to start getting ready for a draft, with Isreal going nuts and North Korea preparing to open an american sized can of whoop-ass. What kind of world have I brought my daughter into.

Folio Weakly

the celebration of MEDIOCRITY!!!!!!!.

I was thinking about writing this earlier, but since I have friends at Folio I almost chose not to. For a while it seemed like Folio was taking the role it aught to, I was wrong. I thought that the days of Folio pandering to advertiser were over, I was wrong. I am at risk of sounding bitter about the actual article (there might be a tinge of bitterness), but honestly I am just sick of Folio's potential wasted on mediocrity.

First, lets get the Whirlwind Heat article out of the way (consider this my personal rebuttal not the store's.):

It was nothing but mis-quotes, non-quotes, spin, and was absolutely wrong. What? Was Timmy Hall upset because of all of this and decided to tell Folio that if they didn't spin an article his way he would pull his much need ad money? They quoted him as saying there "hasn't been a single band" he hasn't payed what they deserved "if everything is on the up and up." I know personally many times that he has not paid friends bands, one of my bands, or the bands that we played at Jack Rabbits or Freebirds with. I have personally paid traveling musicians out of my own pocket, so as to make sure the band had food money for the next day, and put them up at my own house so they didn’t have to sleep in their vehicle. The article makes it seem as though Tim Hall is trying to come across as the victim. Our in-store got more people to go to the show, in turn making Tim Hall more money than he would have, AND he didn't have to pay them a guarantee (which incidentally was a very small side note in the article.) He came away smelling like roses. Folio also failed to quote me… which would have successfully countered his arguments (such as the discussion about the radius clause… and how radius contracts DON’T include in-stores, but COMPETING SHOWS.) The quotes they represented Max with made him sound like a bitter valley girl; none of his logical and responsible points were noted.



Secondly, and the main point:

Hey Folio!!! NO ONE cares about your cover stories on Myduke and his travels to Disney (isn’t this his second cover in as many months), Mactruque’s mental health (I love you Mac), or my dad’s harmless slot machine business (I love you too dad.) It's all fluff. There are soooooo many more pertinent things going on in Jacksonville this year, and that a somewhat-respectable publication is writing about such inconsequential things is absurd. Thank God it’s free. I was excited that some new writers might give that paper some much needed balls, but I was wrong. Again, all they do is slant stories to favorably massage their advertisers asses.

This isn't the first time they have spun a story on me personally. Does anyone remember the Voodoo Lounge incident? For those of you who are unfamiliar with the story, I’ll elaborate on THAT at later. The story about my dads business was completely twisted… again, I’m not motivated enough to give you all the details at this moment, but briefly, my father opened a slot machine business located at Emerson, near Wackos and an adult video store. The community was outraged!!! A slot machine room near our beloved Wackos and adult film store?! But WE wanted a Starbucks or Moe’s!!! So naturally, Folio writes a cover piece on how his business has cheapened the neighborhood even further. My question is, why does Folio need another garbage article when anyone that is somewhat capable of thought knows that a Starbucks or Moe’s is NEVER going to open next to a strip club and porn store. My dads place is completely harmless. I have to admit I had reservations about places like that, but after going in to the dark and depraved world of slot machines, I saw that a lot of those people are aging, lonely, and just want to put quarters in a slot and socialize with other aging loners. Folio could actually be a voice in Jacksonville if they wrote stories people actually care about. As it stands it just seems like liberal smoke blowing. They also say that they are speaking the truth and not doing it for the money.... Ohhhhh REALLY? Where then are all the stories about the important things happening every day in Jacksonville. I suppose it’s just safer to write about some idiot and his tiger suit because it’s funny, right?

I've said it before… Jacksonville is growing, voices are appearing from the coffee tinted smog, and people not understanding and embracing that fact are going to be left in the green algae clogged ditches.



My friends at Folio (Owen, Gwynned, and John) I thought you were better than this, hopefully you will prove that you are. I am also hoping that my friend Owen actually wrote a better article and it was edited down to what I read.


to quote Thom Yorke's song "Black Swan" on his new album "the Eraser":



"this is fucked up, this is fucked up"